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Monday, February 23, 2009

It Starts at Birth!

I'd like to share with you a few stories and then the conclusion I've come to.
The research subject would be my 4 year old grandson.
My daughter is in the Air Force, and up until last year was a single mom.
She just got back from 8 months in Iraq, during which time Jadin stayed with us. This was her third time over there, and each time she has to leave, we get our boy. So anyway Renee called me one morning, Jadin had just turned three. Apparently they had this huge bird adventure at 5:30 in the morning that day...

She’d gone out to put her stuff and Jadin’s snacks in the car before waking him. She’d left the door open and as she was walking back to the house saw a bird fly in the house. Well shit, whose room do you think it flew directly into? Yep, Jadin’s. The bird banged himself against the wall then flew around in circles over Jadin’s sleeping head.

Frantic, of course, Renee ran to her room shaking a sleeping Ray (her new husband). “Get up, get up, you have to get the bird.”

At this point Ray is looking at her as if she’s finally lost her grip on reality and gone round the bend. She eventually convinces him to get up and go after the bird, which has now flown from Jadin’s room to their bedroom and into the bathroom and is perched on the shower door.
Renee, once again trying to dispute that God actually gave her brains goes and wakes Jadin up so he can come see the bird. Good one Renee. So Jadin goes to see the bird in the bathroom and is all excited. After studying the thing Jadin says to it in his cute little boy voice, “What are you doing here, you don’t live here.”

Ray at this point just wants the damn bird out of the house. Renee tells Jadin its time to get dressed and then they can say goodbye to the bird on their way out. At one point, unable to contain his excitement Jadin ran out into the hall naked, his mother calling him back to get dressed because she knew Ray was fighting with the bird. “Jadin you have to get dressed first.”
Jadin says, “Oh, will it bite my pee pee?” Typical male, even at 3, the first thing he worries about is his pee pee.

Back in the bathroom, Ray is putting up a brave battle against the beastly bird, its rough going for a while and just when Ray thought he might be defeated by the feathery sparrow, he gave it one more manly effort. And, Hoo yah! He won! He’d caught the intruder in a bath towel. All was well once again in the Ballesteros household. Except when he open the towel and found that he broken the damn things neck and here comes Jadin running in to say goodbye to the little birdie who’d come to be his friend.

They passed Ray in the hallway cradling a towel mumbling about the fifteen minutes of sleep he’ll never get back, while Renee redirected Jadin telling him Daddy left the bird loose outside. So all day and the whole ride home Jadin couldn’t wait to get back and see if the bird was there in the tree.

MURDERERS Jadin WILL read this one day…

Fast forward 4 months. Jadin is living with us. I walk into his room. (He’d been wayyy to quiet.) There he is, sitting on his bed in his birthday suit. He’d taken the mirror off his wall and sat it in front of him so he could sit there and study his manhood. Well holy hell. I never walked into such a scene with my two boys, and here sits my 3 year old grandson. Well, have a fairly open household. We don’t run around naked, but sex is not taboo either. In fact, it’s all my sons and husband talk about when they get together and start goofing off. So I ask Jadin to get dressed, left the room and burst out laughing when I was out of his hearing range.

There was the time Jadin pulled a chair up to Ray’s desk and was flipping through Ray’s calendar looking at the pictures of sexy women in barely there bikinis. When caught, he said “What, Mommy. I just wanted to kiss her.” Again, 3 years old.

And finally…Renee called last night to tell me she walked in the bathroom and found Jadin sitting on the toilet looking through one of Ray’s Maxim magazines while taking a poop. OMG!!
My conclusion: Men’s obsession of sex and their penis’s start practically at birth. There really is no hope for them. If any of you ladies out there think you’re actually going to civilize your man so that he is not thinking about sex 24hours a day, you’re just plain mistaken. Oh, he may not show it outwardly, but you can bet that as soon as the two of you are laying there in post-coital bliss, he’s wondering to himself how soon he can get you to repeat the process. But, okay, admit it. Isn’t that why you love him?

When it was just Renee and Jadin, she’d send us pics of him when he just began walking. Well there he is wobbling around in one of them with her purse over one shoulder and her bra around his neck like a scarf. LMAO!! My two very Alpha-male sons were outraged. “He needs a male influence, blah, blah, blah.” Well not to worry boys. Seems the reason the bra was around his neck is because he was extremely fond of the particular body part that that garment encompasses.

Anyway, Renee is my hero. Always has been. I’ve watched her grow into a beautiful woman. I’ve watched men break her heart over and over until she believed there were no good ones out there. I thank God every day for Ray. She has been the inspiration for a few of my stories. Jake in Mountain’s Echo is the man I always dreamed for her. And one of my short stories in the One Touch One Glance Anthology is her story. Forever Found. You’ll also find some aspect of the military in my writing. She and her friends are very inspiring. Plus she gave me Jadin and he is an endless source of stories.

So check out Mountain’s Echo, Freya’s Bower. And please stop by www.deborahgould.com Look around and sign the guest book.

Debbie Gould

10 comments:

Trinity Blacio said...

I laughed my butt off great Blog! Don't you love little ones!
Trinity

erotiwriter said...

OMG! He so sounds like my boy, hon! He so sounds like my curious three year old, who is often seen naked studying his peepee, lolol!

Ame

Myst Bloodstone said...

And I thought that my sons were the only ones who did things like that when they were younger. Great stories, Deb. thanks for sharing with us all! :)

lastnerve said...

That was a hilarious blog! OMG, I would not even KNOW how to handle that one! Awesome! Thanks for making me laugh!

Isis™ said...

Hey Debbie,

Great blog. I have 2 girls but I grew up in a household of 3 brothers and I had never seen anything like that, so I wouldn't have even known what the heck to do. Other than burst out laughing.

LaVerne

Red Rose said...

Thanks everybody, I raised 2 boys and never ran into that problem, lol. This kid just amases me daily. Since he's a military kid, he's traveled more than I have already. He's very adaptable to change and laid back. Also very quick witted and he's only just turned 4. He's a blast!
Debbie

m9trinity said...

Hi Debbie, great post! As the mom of several boys, I can relate. I've never walked in on a scene like that...yet, but I'm sure its happened. lol Thanks for giving me a laugh this morning before I have to start schooling the kiddies.
Maurya

Red Rose said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Maurya. Have a great day!
Debbie

Val said...

I have 4 sons myself, can't wait for the day I have grandkids. Val

MarthaE said...

Hi Debbie-
Fun stories! Thanks for sharing. And thanks to your daughter, Renee, for her service to our country.

I tried to post on 2/23 but it would not give me a word to put in so I came back to try today.